while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Randomize
