Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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