just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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