Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
