My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
