he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
