Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
someone threw a dead crab at me
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
