Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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