I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
