If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
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stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
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I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
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