it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
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I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
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My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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