Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
