i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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