Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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