i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
