i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
