Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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