Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
