My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
