I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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