You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
