I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
