Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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