At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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