Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
