Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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