I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize