We're facebook friends in real life
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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