And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
