I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm at about main and main street
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
