please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
