Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
This is the high leading the old right now
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Randomize
