he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
