why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
