it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
