Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Well I just put wine in my tea
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
