Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
