my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Even my vagina gasped.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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