sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.