New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.