Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
false alarm. still invincible.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!