I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
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And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
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