some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
