yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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