Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
