He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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