I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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