Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
