his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
