I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize