I'm so fucking centered right now
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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