Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
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