hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
