Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
