I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
