While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
