Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
