mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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