help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
