last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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