I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
